After close to 20 years I finally told someone. I talked about it. It took some tequila and a safe space but I told my secret to someone who went through the same thing. I’ve been happier ever since.
I get moments where now I’m terrified that it will get out but that’s just the anxiety. I trust this person. I told them everything and they didn’t look down on me or judge me.
This person is probably the most important person in my life and it felt really good to get that weight off my shoulders.
Childhood trauma will haunt you for life and there is no getting around it. But holding it in and being terrified to speak of it even as an adult was very unhealthy. I never even told a therapist when I had one.
Please make sure you don’t let that weight on your shoulders make you sink. Talk to a professional or a trusted friend. Stop sinking and learn to swim.